To all the leaders, bosses, group members, colleagues, and co-workers out there.. Never underestimate the power of positive affirmations. I just found out that all the hard work I’ve been doing caught the attention of my “higher ups” causing them to give me notification of a bonus. woot woot! The money is a plus, but I am actually more affected by the kind words my program coordinator told me. This past week has been a whiplashing rollercoaster ride and last night was my breaking point. So the phone call was just what I needed to get back into the groove of things. So with that never underestimate the few genuine, kind words you could tell someone… it could do something as little as make their day, or even save his or her life.
Yes, you read correctly. I am studying YouTube for class. I’m pretty amazed myself that it has come to this point where I am studying something I am SUPER interested — especially with it being for my upper division English class. As I read about the idiocy of videocy in YouTube (a case study by Amy Loy), I am multitasking by catching up to Zoella‘s vlogs, reading Loy’s study, taking notes, and writing this blog. Observe my multitasking in the screenshot below ↴↴↴
So, I have been going in and out of a weird funk these past few days and I’m pretty sure it is because of my lack of sleep, increased stress, and this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I also contribute my depressive feelings to the fact that I’m writing this intense paper about death and mortality. I would get writer’s block… or I would have to stop writing because I’m thinking too much about death and how much the living suffers through the pain and costs of losing a loved one. And to make matters worst, I’m unpacking this topic by reading about death through the perspective of people who are completely desensitized and sarcastic about the matter (just making me more angry).
Thinking about death, my future, life, and just everything is exhausting and weighing down on me mentally. (I’m sorry if you were expecting a happy/motivational blog post, but I just need to flush some things out by writing.)
I have been having random moments where I would find myself tearing up or embracing myself during mini-panic attacks. I thank God for my family who took my mind off the stress for a few hours this past weekend when we pumpkin carved. I also thank God for my boyfriend who comes over when I’m alone and over-thinking. I continue to post inspirational, motivational quotes as small reminders to myself. I have also been praying a lot more than usual for comfort. I’m doing everything to be mentally and physically strong. I know I have so much to be grateful for, but sometimes it is hard when the pressure sets in and keeps pounding and pounding and pounding. I love my life, but these dark moments in my life are bound to come around once in a while. I just happen to be going through that once-in-a-while occurrence right now. Any degree of depression is such a hard thing to sort through… mild or severe. From my perspective, it feels like no one understands me so there’s no use in reaching out. I know, I know…. so depressing. I’m sorry, I hope this phases out soon. And if you are feeling the slightest bit degree of what I’m feeling, watch the videos below. They keep me sane and grounded when I need it, so I hope it does the same thing for you too.